Alone
by SlytherinPrincess9
Summary: The terrors of war change everyone it touches. People make rash decisions, have regrets, lose those most precious to them all while still just trying to be normal. She tried so hard to make those around her happy, to let them know that she was there for them. So she never stopped to realize that her life would end up depending so much on others until it was too late.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

"I should have known when I met him that my life would never be the same, just because of who he was. But it wasn't just because of that, it was really just knowing him as a person. I think that is what made me really appreciate everything around me whether it involved him or not, if you know what I mean."

"No, why would he have that kind of effect on you so early on?"

"I didn't mean it like that. It was after I had met him in first year and had been friends with him for years before I realized that he had such an effect on my life. I guess we all have that sort of person in our lives at some point that if they weren't in our lives, it would be completely different."

"Yeah, you could say that again."

I step over a tree root sticking out of the ground. As I secure my footing on the other side, I look around us.

Trees. Nothing more than trees as far as our eyesight could go.

"Sorry, I didn't want to bring it up but you asked and —"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even asked. I know it's hard for you too."

"We are in a war, we have more important things to worry about than our relationships in our everyday lives. I'm not saying it's easy but I know when to push it to the back of my mind and basically imagine it from a third person perspective. It's the best way when you have so much more going on; like trying to escape death everyday and hoping the world isn't gone the next morning."

We make our way deeper through the forest. The sun had set a while ago and we are losing the last of the daylight we had to continue on.

"Why don't we just set up camp here for the night. There is a stream beside us for some sort of food and we are pretty hidden within the trees just in case one of our protective spells break."

We sit down our backpacks and begin setting everything up. The tent, the campfire and lastly, the protective spells. The only thing that's keeping us alive.

Now completely dark outside, we sit by the fire in silence for a while. Just watching the fire and delving deep into our minds in things we have kept bottled up for so long.

"When did you know?"

"Know what?"

"When did you know what was going on? You know, between them…"

"Look, I don't think we should really be talking about this right—"

"No. Just, please. I — I have been wondering. Wondering for so long and trying to push it away and I can't. I can't do it and overtime I think about it I just feel like if I would've done something different—"

"Don't even finish that. It is not your fault at all. Just like it isn't my fault. It was them, it was their decision. We made the decisions we made because of what we thought was right. What was right for us and what was right for them. Ultimately, they chose what they wanted and didn't think about their consequences when it came to us."

"Yeah… I guess."

We sat in silence once again, staring ahead into the darkness.

"After Christmas."

"What?"

"It was right after Christmas when I found out. I wasn't sure it actually happened so I kept it to myself until I found out the hard way. That's when I went to tell you about it but—."

"Yeah."

Staring at nothing and listening to the crickets through the nighttime of the forest. Hastily wiping a tear away from my face, I go to stand. But having grabbed my wrist, I slowly sat back down. More tears streaming down my face.

"I feel so stupid."

"Don't because there's nothing that you could've done differently."

"There was though."

"What do you mean?"

"I—"

"I know we weren't they best of friends in school but trust me when I say that we have been through too much stuff to not be able to trust each other at this point."

"There was someone else trying to protect me from all of this. Someone who knew what was going on, somehow, and was trying to help. I just couldn't see it, I was too blind to what was being shown to me that I couldn't see what was directly in front of me until it was too late."

"Someone else? You mean—"

"There could have been, yes. And I pushed them away, all because of what I was told and not what my own heart and mind were telling me. I have no one to blame but myself for that."

"So you knew?"

"I think deep down I knew, I think everyone knew but you and me. I at least had someone trying to tell me but I ruined that."

"How so?"

I laugh in disbelief. Wiping the tears from my cheek.

"I thought you wanted to be done with this a while ago?"

"I did. And now you have me interested. So tell me. Because you're obviously hurting, no matter how strong you try to pretend you really are."

"But so are you."

"Yeah, but I've ranted and told you my story so many times now since we have been wandering that you know so much more about me than I do of you. Remember, we are running for our lives here. Literally. So I think I should be able to provide a shoulder and an ear to you."

"Are you positive?" Wiping more tears from my cheek.

"Absolutely."


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Hogwarts was no where near normal. That was a just a fact but I was proud to say that my experience at the school has been the most normal I believe you could have during all of the excitement that has taken place since we got here.

First year with Professor Quirrell, Second year with the Basilisk, Third year involving mass murderer Sirius Black escaping Azkaban and going to Hogwarts, Fourth year with more than three people participating in the Triwizard Tournament and Fifth year with Umbridge from the ministry as a Defense teacher.

I somehow was able to stay in the shadows for the most part. The most I got involved through all of the nonsense at Hogwarts was joining the D.A. because Umbridge was just awful at everything she did. Just thinking about it sends phantom pains into my hand, reminding me of the "I must respect authority" scar forever etched on my right hand. I don't regret it as I learned so much more from the D.A. in one lesson than I did from Umbridge that entire year but I feel like that is what caused this snowball effect on my life.

Like I said before, I have had a pretty normal experience at Hogwarts. Well, as normal as you can get at a school of magic. But, I still felt as if I didn't know magic as well as I could if I had had a "normal" wizard upbringing. My father was a wizard and he fell in love with my mother, who is a muggle. She knew nothing about magic until he proposed. That's when he laid it all out there for her to try to understand. He explained everything about the wizarding world and how waiting until marriage was the law set in place with telling muggle about our existence. It was because of the magical bond that would be present after the acceptance of the ring and finalized by the casting of a spell at the ceremony. It protects us in the best way while still being involved in the muggle world. It ensures that even if anything ever happened with the marriage, that the muggle would not be able to, on accident or on purpose, tell another muggle about our existence. She did not take the news well at all but after a while, she learned to deal with it because it was my father. She loved him and she wanted to just look past it and act as if it didn't exist. Well, that's what I imagine happened anyway.

I honestly do not know what had happened. I don't know if my father passed when I was young, maybe before I was born? Or maybe he and my mother just couldn't deal with being together anymore and split, never to speak again. But I never got the chance to meet my father. Mother never talked about him, never talked about his side of the family, never said what had happened to him. Nothing. It might seem sad or seen like I have a lack of emotion concerning it but I don't miss him or anything like that. If I never knew him and never had a father figure to begin with, then how can I miss what I never had?

My mother does not approve of magic or anything of the sort. When my Hogwarts letter came in the mail, she had freaked out. I had been showing signs of magic slowly since I was six and every time something happened, she would punish me like I had done something wrong. As if I had control of my magic at that age. I didn't even know what was happening to me because magic was something in fairytales for me at that point. I didn't know it actually existed.

Once she found out that there would be no way for me to control my magic and be "normal" other than going to Hogwarts, she made sure to ship me away with no contact to her until absolutely necessary every single year. Honestly, if I had the choice I would stay at Hogwarts all year long but that wasn't an option. Trust me, I asked. Multiple times.

I sighed, shaking my head slightly at my train of thought. Maybe it was just all of this talk about You Know Who lately making me think of these things because I know I am going to have to make some tough decisions soon. Who knows.

I stepped out of the bathroom on the train, my blue and silver Ravenclaw emblem matching the tie around my neck. I made my way down the train back to my compartment. Two people were walking toward my direction and I recognized them right away.

Blazing red hair and matching Gryffindor tie along with a head of white blond hair and large pink glasses.

Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood.

I knew Ginny from last year in the D.A. We practiced together a few times but never really talked outside of club activities. Luna on the other hand has been one of my best friends here at Hogwarts. We both felt like outsiders for the longest time until we became friends. Don't get me wrong, she is really one of my best friends but I know that when we both joined the D.A. last year, it was like something we had never experienced before. We had friends, we had people who cared about what we did and how we did. Cheering us on when we were struggling and actually feeling like we belonged somewhere.

It finally felt like we had a family that cared.

I smiled in greeting Ginny and my smile widened at Luna and her Quibbler glasses.

"Hello you two! Is there a new Quibbler out, Luna?"

"Oh yes," she replied. She reached into her satchel bag and grabbed another copy for me. I took it from her and thanked her. I read them sometimes but even if I didn't see anything that interested me, I still took it to be a supportive friend.

"So how are you two doing? I couldn't find you earlier but I'm sitting with Brinley and Grayson if you want to join us." I said.

Brinley and Grayson were my other two best friends here at Hogwarts, both in Ravenclaw and in my year. We met on the train and instantly hit it off. We would probably still be best friends if we had been placed in separate houses.

"No, that's okay. We just changed into our robes and we're heading back to gather our stuff together. We are almost there I believe." Ginny said to me. I nod, understanding her point. We were almost there, no point in traveling the length of the train to go somewhere for a minute or two before needing to leave again.

"Who are you sitting with then? Like I said, I couldn't find you at all this afternoon." I laugh, scratching the back of my head. I had searched a few of the cars before deciding to just stay with Brinley and Grayson knowing I would find Luna sooner or later.

"I originally sat down with Neville and then Ginny found us who was later followed by Harry, Ron and Hermione before they left to do Prefect duties and the Slug Club meeting. They all just got back." Luna explained, putting extra Quibblers back into her bag before closing it.

"Oh, okay. Well, give them my best, yeah?" They both nod as I start to walk back toward my compartment. "Oh, and tell them that I'll talk to them later too?" Luna nodded her head immediately while Ginny seemed to hesitate before nodding slightly. I smile before turning around and waving behind me. "Thanks! I'll see you at the Great Hall Luna!"

"Bye, Avery!"

I turn around fully, taking my time walking back to my compartment.

—

I sat down hard, slightly bouncing on the seat. I looked to my right and saw Grayson finishing up his chocolate frogs that he had bought from the trolley. I look forward to the other side of the compartment to see Brinley, laying completely across the seat with her arm wrapped dramatically over her eyes.

"Why are you always so dramatic?" I ask Brinley, seeing as she didn't even acknowledge me when I entered the room.

"My life is all drama, what are you talking about?"

I roll my eyes, turning so I was sitting sideways on the seat and leaned so my back was against Grayson's shoulder. I shimmied down just a bit until I was sitting in a more comfortable position for my back and closed my eyes.

"Seriously, Avery?" Grayson asked. I could feel him turning his head toward me to glare in annoyance. I smirked and turned slightly so I laid more on his shoulder.

"Why of course I'm being serious. I barely got any sleep last night from the sure excitement of seeing you today. I have to get my Grayson time in before I have to share you with the rest of the school." I said, placing my hand over my heart and looking up at him, fluttering my eyes so fast that I actually had to stop before it hurt my eyes. He rolled his eyes though and smacked me lightly on the side of the head. I huffed and crossed my arms, not moving from my position though. "You're so rude to me, Gray. You'd think after all these years, you'd like me just a bit more."

"Not likely with the way you act." He said, turning to grab a stack of cards to play Exploding Snaps. I jumped up and sat on the floor waiting for him to join me. I smacked Brinley in the arm, 'waking' her up and making her participate in the fun.

It seemed as if it was only a few minutes before we started slowing down to prepare to pull into the station. We all stood up and started gathering our stuff in preparation to leave the train. As I looked around, I tried to remember everything that I had taken out of my trunk and my backpack I brought along with me. I soon realized the only thing I was missing was my cat, Rylan. He's a brown and black tabby cat with big green eyes that I just absolutely adore. He was my gift to myself for getting into Hogwarts first year; my first friend I ever had in the wizarding world.

I opened the compartment door, looking left and right to see if he was waiting outside like he usually did when it was time to leave the train. I could feel the train finally stopping when I pulled myself back into the compartment slightly confused and worried. Where had he gone?

"Guys, have you seen Rylan anywhere? I haven't seen him since I let him out of his carrier when we first left. He's not waiting outside."

Brinley turned to me, worry etched into her eyes as she scrunched her nose in concern. She shook her head and pulled her bag over her shoulder. "Sorry, Avery, I haven't seen him. Maybe he jumped out of the train right as we pulled up and he's waiting for you outside?"

"I mean—" I started before Grayson grabbed my shoulder with his head and giving it a slight squeeze.

"I'm sure he's fine. Just check the compartments on your way out. We'll do the same."

I smiled at him and nodded. "Thanks Gray. I knew I could always count on you." He rolled his eyes at me and started to make his way out the door. "Hey, just meet me at the Great Hall. That way you guys don't miss anything just in case it takes me a bit to find him. If I don't, I'll just assume you found him and took him up to the castle with you, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Brinley asked me. "We can wait for you, it's fine—"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Seriously, I think he's around here somewhere. He did this once before in third year, hiding in the corridor by the girl lavatory for some unknown reason. He might be doing the same thing. I'm not too too worried about it yet."

"Alright, if you're sure." Brinley said, starting her way out of the compartment as well. "We'll save you a seat!" She called back.

I wave and grab my backpack from the seat, checking around me to make sure I have everything I needed before making my way out of the compartment.

I checked compartment after compartment on my way out. I thought maybe he got stuck in one after someone had shut the door, not noticing that he was there. I made my way down the train, slowly starting to become more and more worried.

"Rylan….Kitty, where did you go?" I called, pulling open a few more compartment doors on my way down the corridor. I sigh and look behind me, making sure I didn't pass him. I start to turn around when the compartment I was standing next to slammed open, scaring me. I hadn't seen anyone else in about five minutes, everyone leaving the train as soon as it stopped at the Platform. I jumped and took a step back, my hand rising to rest on my chest. I look up to see Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin Prefect. His face just screamed that he was pissed off about something, glaring down at me for a moment before relaxing.

"What are you doing, Jacobs?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I took a deep breath and patted my chest a few times before moving my hand to the strap of my bag that was over my shoulder.

"What? No, "Hey. Long time no see Avery. How are you? How was your summer?"" I huffed and crossed my arms. "Long time no see Malfoy. I'm fine and my summer was pretty boring since no one I know seems to know how to use their owls after six years of school."

He rolled his eyes and leaned against the door frame, obviously trying not to lose his temper. "I didn't ask for a life story—"

"Anyway, not that you care but I was just looking for my cat…. Rylan!" I exclaim as he just strolls out of the same compartment that Malfoy has just walked out of. I scoop him up into my arms and scratch his head before looking back at Malfoy. I raise my eyebrows at him and he mimics my actions.

"What?" Malfoy asked, his voice turning into an annoyed tone.

"Why was my cat in the same compartment as you?" I glance behind him and see that he was the only person there. "And why were you in there alone with him?"

"How am I supposed to know? It's your damn cat. It probably wandered in as the others were leaving. It seems to be a habit of things sneaking into compartments lately." Draco sneered at me as if I had done some personal injustice to him.

I just stare at him for a moment.

"Right…." I dragged out, looking at him for a moment longer. The train whistled, signaling it's five minute mark before departure back to London. I look down the corridor and look towards Malfoy one more time. I turn and start to make my way off the train.

"You might want to hurry up Draco, the train is getting ready to leave with you on it!" I call back, Rylan hanging over my shoulder as if watching Draco behind me as I make my way off of the train.

I haven't talked to Draco since last year after the Inquisitorial Squad caught the D.A. at our meeting. He had been walking through the halls, probably trying to figure out where his friends had all run off to when I ran face first into him. He had caught my arms, I think in a way to steady himself as well as me before realizing who I was and dropping his hands almost instantly.

I probably looked like a complete mess at the time. We had just started learning the Patronus charm when Dobby the house elf apparated into the room to warn us about Umbridge. As soon as Harry told us to run, the wall right beside me exploded. Rock and cement flying through the air, dust filling up the entire room. I was thrown further into the room from the force of the spell but quickly gathered myself off of the floor as I heard people screaming to run. I hadn't tried to fix my appearance (obviously) so I'm sure I am just covered in dust and dirt, a few scratches on my face here and there and my hands were scuffed on my palms from trying to catch myself when I fell. I'm sure I just looked utterly crazy to him.

I backed up from him slightly and turned around to look behind me to see Crabbe and Goyle run down an adjacent hallway yelling to each other not far from me. I had just escaped from the Room of Requirement and was trying to get as far away as possible before one of them saw me. And of course, I had to run into Draco Malfoy of all people. The leader of the Inquisitorial Squad.

He seemed confused though, his forehead pulled together in confusion like he didn't know what was going on. I took this opportunity to run before he had time to put the pieces together. His eyes widened just as I started to go around him, his hand reaching out to grab my wrist. I stopped, my eyes going wide. I tugged on my arm, to get it out of his hand but he wouldn't let me go. I'm sure he put everything together or at least, knew I was running from Crabbe and Goyle the way I reacted to them running down the other hallway.

Malfoy just starred at me though. And what seemed like an eternity was only ten or fifteen seconds of confrontation before he slowly let go of my wrist and pulled out his wand. He stepped forward, but not toward me. Towards the way he was originally going, where his friends had gone. He looked at me for one more moment before turning and running down the hallway, leaving me there alone with my thoughts.

I still do not know if he was trying to help me, if he was just confused and didn't know what was going on or figured he could get to someone of more importance if he left quickly. The last two seemed more reasonable than the first but that's what I like to think happened. We had talked more than we ever have that year as we were assigned partners in Transfiguration. We had figured out how to deal with each other in class and I'd like to think that he thought of me as, maybe not a friend, but at least an acquaintance.

His questionable "help" hadn't really helped me at all though because Umbridge had found the list of all of us in the D.A. and saw my name on there. We all served detention with Umbridge for weeks afterward and that's how I have my scar on my hand.

That's when my life at Hogwarts started going from as normal as a school of magic could be, to just simply chaotic.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

I sit myself down beside Brinley and across from Grayson at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall. I had finally made it to the castle on one of the last carriages. Thankfully there were still a few left when I got there so I had no guilt over leaving Malfoy there by himself at the station.

"Took you long enough." Grayson commented. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I don't care what you think Grayson. You're opinions can—"

"Why is Harry Potter walking into the Great Hall late with blood on the front of his shirt? He isn't even changed into his robes." Brinley cut me off, seeing the late arrival.

I turn and see just what she said. Harry was making his way over to the Gryffindor table. I watched as he sat down, his friends crowding around him immediately asking questions.

"I have no idea. I didn't see him down by the train and I was one of the last people off." I said. "Maybe he tripped getting off of the train or something."

"Somehow, I highly doubt that was the case." Grayson said with his eye brows raised, basically saying it was an idiotic idea to think in the first place.

"I was just throwing out ideas." I stick my tongue out at him. He just rolls his eyes before turning toward Dumbledore who had started to get the attention of the Great Hall for his annual speech.

"If only we knew the inner workings of Harry Potter and his friends. Then we would at least have a little bit of a warning when things would happen around here." Brinley whispered to me. I laughed quietly, nodding my head in agreement.

"I mean, I am kind of-sort of friends with Ginny so does that count at all?" I ask with a snicker. I've only been friends with Ginny since last year during the DA, so I do not know much about her or any of the others closely associated with Harry Potter. I was never really interested in all of that madness. I know some people who are just so fascinated in Harry Potter and the inner workings of his friend group but I've never wanted to intrude. I've just wanted to get by as successful as I can in the wizarding world, to be able to get a job and show that wizards and witches who are raised by muggles can be just as successful as a Pureblood.

I'm not a muggleborn, not that there is anything wrong with that, but everyone thinks I am one because my mother is a muggle. She tells me that my father was a wizard but left when I was just a baby. He didn't want the stress of raising a family when he wanted to further his career in the wizarding world. I think it's just because my mother despises anything to do with magic and wizards. She says it's unnatural, like I chose to be a "disgrace" just to spite her. In all honestly though, if I had had a choice and knew of my mother's thoughts and feelings on it all, I probably would have still chosen the wizarding world just to poke at her and say, "Guess your perfect family isn't so perfect now".

She used to tell me that my father would write letters once in a while when I was growing up but they grew further and further apart until they finally just stopped all together. I'm sure she thinks that he either completely gave up on us or passed away from something pertaining to his job. I like the latter of those two thoughts and imagine that he worked for the Ministry as an Unspeakable and went on some secret mission and didn't come back from it. It means that he was a hard worker and didn't just stop contacting us for no reason. It would also explain needing to leave your family for your career. I don't know how likely that even is but if I had the choice to know that he just left because he was a horrible person or believe in my imagination, I'll take my imagination any day.

I say glancing back at the Gryffindor table. I see Ginny, who was sitting next to Harry, glaring daggers past my head. Confused, I look behind me and try to see what or who she looking at. It really could have been anyone but the only person that really made sense was Draco, who was sitting almost directly behind me at the Slytherin table.

"So I think I figured out why Potter was late tonight." I say as I turn around. "It seems like Ginny thinks Malfoy had something to do with it."

"Wouldn't surprise me if him and Malfoy got into it on the train." Brinley said as she turned back around from looking at Malfoy as well. "Again."

"I mean, I did bump into Malfoy getting off of the train but like I said, I didn't see Harry at all." I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"What do you mean you bumped into Malfoy!" Brinley asked, her eyes wide. She grabbed my arm, shaking it like I wasn't paying attention to her. "Why didn't you tell us?! What happened?!"

"Nothing happened!" I told her, hissing in pain. I pull her hands off of my arm and put them back into her lap so she stops cutting the circulation off to my arm.

"Why do I highly doubt that?" She asked while crossing her arms and raising her eye brows. "You two were awfully cozy last year, wouldn't you agree Grayson?"

"Don't get me involved with this." He stated, putting his hands up in surrender as I turned to glare at him.

"Seriously, nothing happened. I just ran into him as I was looking for Rylan. He actually was in the compartment that he was in, which was really weird."

"I'd say that was out of character if I really wanted to look into it. Did he say anything about it?"

"Well, I asked him about it. But he acted like he had no idea why my cat was in the compartment, alone with him. He said something about him probably sneaking into the compartment as everyone left and then made some snide remark to me about it. I didn't think much of it seeing as he was just in a pissed off mood." I told them honestly.

"He had probably already ran into Harry by that point then, if something did happen between those two." Brinley said.

"Wouldn't surprise me" I say, rolling my eyes at the thought. Everyone knew that Draco and Harry have had it out for each other since first year. It was no surprise when those two got into a fight.

I sat there in silence, waiting for the speech to be over before digging into the dinner that appeared in front of us.

Everyone in the Great Hall talked with their respective friend groups and nothing seemed out of place. Everything just seemed like an ordinary start to a school year. I sit there, Brinley and Grayson going on about the Quidditch team this year. I try to pay attention but my mind wanders. Why couldn't our lives just be normal? As normal as they could be for teenage wizards and witches. I just don't understand why all of this stuff keeps happening every year and after being involved to a degree last year because of the DA, I learned that I really just want to stay out of it all.

I'm pulled back into the Quidditch conversation by Grayson asking me who I think will take the extra Chaser position for us. I told him my thoughts, saying that I think Cho will just end up picking one of her friends. He agreed with me, saying that I was going to have a tough time making up points for us this year since I was the only decent Chaser on the team now. I rolled my eyes, but whole-heartedly agreed.

Soon, we were dismissed from the Great Hall and we slowly made our way to the Ravenclaw Common Room. It took a few minutes to get up to the entrance and to answer the riddle. Once the door finally opened, I quickly made my way through the common room and up the stairs toward my room. Once upstairs, I quickly head to the restroom and pull my pajama's on. As I'm doing so, I glance at my arm in the mirror across from me. The same arm that Brinley had grabbed onto and shook like a mad fiend. The slightly purple and blue bruise marks still present from a few days prior to our arrival back at school. Nothing new for myself, I pull my sleeve back down and head back to the dormitory to crawl into bed. I pulled the curtains shut around me, casting a silencing charm and a sticking charm to keep the curtains around me closed at all times. Once checking that everything was in order, I roll onto my side hoping to be able to get some sleep tonight.

I hadn't been lying when I told Grayson on the train I hadn't slept well the night before…. _I hadn't slept well in months._


End file.
